today i dissolved in a tub while taking a bath.
i woke up at around noon and meditated for around 15 minutes. throughout the day i have been very present, but as has been the case in my recent mindful days, the fire within burns itself out as the day winds down. as the sun sets i feel myself drawn towards thoughts again. and it feels as though i have lost the energy to maintain Right Effort. so i lose touch with heaven and return to the realm of insanity.
today i went to a lot of places in the car with my dad and brother and it was really quite an adventure. this was when the peak of my mindfulness took place. normally i become quite aversive towards my father’s driving, but today i surrendered to the NOW. i remained fully in the moment and witnessed the world with my whole body. no aversion whatsoever intruded. i tried to hold awareness of my body with every action i did. i also attempted at various points in time to listen to the sound of silence and to the way that all sounds around me seemed to float in a pervasive and all-encompassing nothingness. i felt incredibly still and in tune with the world around me. everything i laid my eyes upon was incredibly beautiful. the world became my canvas and everything i saw was painted with brilliant colors and bright artistic composition. i reflected on the fact that all the things i saw were indistinct and equal, different only in pigmentation. my ego-mind adds meaning to all the various beautiful shapes and colors. even my hand was the same as the sky and the grass and the sand dunes and the cars and the birds and the roads and distant far away buildings. they were all the same.
one more quick reflection to add was one i had while eating at a restaurant with my dad and brother. i saw an obese man sitting at the table next to the one i was sitting at. as i continued to stare, i instantly noticed the spawning of a critical and judgmental thought arising. it was a habitual thought that arises in me when i see obese people and it seems to criticize their apparent uncontrollable gluttony. however, as i noticed this and realized the ignorance behind it, it vanished and was replaced by something infinitely more beautiful. i felt the deepest and fullest compassion for a fellow human being i have ever felt. i saw my Self in him and realized the unity of life. tonight i will honor him with a metta meditation.
today is toilet day because as i lay in my bathtub this morning taking a bath, i felt the pervasiveness of the water around me in an extremely sensitive way and reflected that it felt like i was dissolving. that feeling of oneness with the water that held me transformed me. it flushed me down the toilet of this world to emerge in the sewage system of heaven. or it flushed me down the toilet of this world to spew me into the bottom end of alice’s rabbit-hole and into wonderland. for that was where i frolicked today.
“He who experiences the unity of life sees his own Self in all beings, and all beings in his own Self, and looks on everything with an impartial eye.”
– Buddha